Posted by: littlebitofparadise | February 13, 2015

Single Ladies: What’s on My Heart for You

CSLewisLoveVia

Every single February 14th, it’s the single ladies who are most on my heart. There is so much I want to say to you – to tell you how often I pray for you, how much I understand the cross of desiring marriage and family life when you feel so alone and lonely, and sometimes even hopeless. I want to bring you each a latte, and a hug, and a subscription to Catholic Match (just kidding about that last part….sort of ;o) ).

One of the reasons my sweet single friends have my heart so much on Valentine’s Day is because I look back on my single years and realize, much to my shame, how much I pined and whined and prayed for the wrong thing, or at least not the highest good, in a future relationship. I so much desired a Hollywood-ized idea or romance that, sure, is fun and exciting and wonderful. But I’ve learned through the joys and struglges of marriage that it isn’t the main thing I should’ve been wishing for, looking for, in a spouse. 

Ann Voskamp posted a beautiful reflection today about How Real People Make Shades of Real Love. So worth reading. And for all of you who are on my heart this Valentine’s Day and probably don’t even know it, I’m re-posting what I wrote to you last year about finding a love that is the most precious of all. 

Love and prayers and lots of hugs, 

Steph

***** My post from Feb. 14, 2014 *****

Today is a day with such loaded emotion in a lot of ways. I remember when I was a single lady, I absolutely hated this holiday. I felt left out, alone, and extra sad that I didn’t have someone to love and shower with gifts. It was depressing not to have a Hottie to put on a LBD and heels for so we could go order the couple’s special at The Melting Pot together. In my head, I constructed a perfect Valentine’s Day that I imagined most married couples experienced every February 14th.

I’ve had the most insane February so far, and it’s given me a new clarity about Valentine’s Day.

Our entire family has been battling the flu from hell for almost two weeks. I first got the flu symptoms on Tuesday February 5th, and between then and now I’ve been the most sick I’ve been in my entire adult life. There were days I could hardly get my head off my pillow. And then my husband got the flu, and then all three of our children fell prey to the beast. To be so weak you can hardly hold your baby without sitting down is kind of scary. To be up all night coughing up a lung because you’ve contracted bronchitis, but still have to be awake enough to feed and comfort you children the next morning, is a nightmare.

I feel like I’m coming out of a ten day drunken fog. Today is the first day I’ve gotten dressed in real clothes since February 5th – not lying.

With the type of profound sickness my family has just been through, there’s a special kind of mental clarity that comes through such weakness and suffering.

Single ladies: those of you longing for a man to love you, to shower you with treats and gifts and kisses on Valentine’s Day and every day. Listen closely because I have found a key to happiness in love and I want the same for each of you:

It’s not the man who showers you with presents, roses, chocolates and kisses that is going to steal your heart and melt it into a pool of adoration a thousand times a day.

Sure, those things are nice, but they aren’t what you really want for ever into eternity.

Instead, look for the man who will serve you to the point of laying down his very life for yours each and every day. In big ways and small ways. Find the man who’s love shows forth in the outpouring of all he’s got for the woman who is his all. 

I guarantee, ladies, that in the grand scheme of life, you want the man who walks the halls at night with a teething baby because his wife is too weak to life her head off a pillow. You want a man who, instead of bringing you bon bons, drives around town to find the best comfort food takeout to bring home to a wife who’s completely lost her appetite. Find a man who loads his babies up in the car to take a long drive so his wife can take a nap in a quiet house.

These things seem very mundane, don’t they? But here’s the truth.

It’s in the giving and the loving in the every day little way things of this world that will form a strong knot of love that will not soon be undone.

Find the man who serves you, putting your needs above his own, and you’ll find a friend and lover who will adore you forever. He’s the one you want to say yes to – a million times over.

I find it funny that on the Feast of Saint Valentine our culture celebrates amorous love, when today we celebrate a martyr saint: a saint who if he taught us anything about love, taught us that the highest love is love as sacrifice. Sacrifice and suffering and offering for the One you love and Who first loved you.

xo,

Steph

PS. Peter (aka Mac) Weinert if you happen to read this today, I love you forever plus one and this song is what’s playing in my head about you today. I’m so very grateful God gave me you.

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Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

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Responses

  1. Reblogged this on Expose Sex Ed Now!.

  2. I’m sure you meant well, Steph, but do you realize just how this post reads to someone who is 43 and still single? It reads like, “Hey, if you’d just stop pining for a romantic ideal you’ll never have, maybe you could find an awesome guy like I’ve got! But, of course, you can’t have him either, because God gave him to MEEEEE! Neener, neener!”

    The fact of the matter is, I’ve been downgrading my expectations for years, thank you very much. I used to want a devout Catholic man, somewhat older than I am, who loved me and wanted a large family. Now that I’m mostly past childbearing age, I’d be happy to find a good man, within my age range (even a little younger), who may or may not be Catholic but who would be supportive of my practice of Catholicism.

    But, to date, God hasn’t decided to send a man like that to me either. So, for today, I’d be happy if those fortunate enough to be married and have the family I’ve always dreamed of would be a little less judgmental of why I’m still single.

    • Michelle, I’m so very sorry you felt I was taunting your single status – my goodness that couldn’t be farther from the truth. My intention was to communicate how much I’ve learned about what’s most important in a spouse, and it’s not the Valentines-y ideas of romanticism but instead a sacrificial love like the real Saint Valentine. I don’t judge your single hood at all, but instead pray for vocation. So sorry my words were hurtful to you!


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